Grieving the Loss of a Saskatoon PS Sgt.
- bewanyshyn91
- 13 hours ago
- 7 min read
“And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith” Hebrews 12:1&2.
While Saskatoon PS Chaplain John Morris and I had a smile on our faces for this photo taken yesterday, March 7th was a particularly emotionally difficult day. Hundreds of police officers and first responders from SPS and agencies across Saskatchewan gathered at Circle Drive Alliance Church to show support to the family of SPS Det. Sgt Hal Lam, to honor his memory, and to grieve the tragic loss of a law enforcement brother. I did not have the privilege of meeting Hal, his wife Rose of 20 years, his 15-year-old daughter Eve, or serve alongside his peers at SPS. I attended to show support to SPS as a retired Constable & Honorary Chaplain of Brandon PS, and to support SPS Chaplain John Morris who officiated the regimental funeral. John is a fellow colleague and friend through the Canadian Police Chaplain Association. The funeral was a culmination of over two weeks of John attending patrol lineups, visiting specialty sections, and engaging in personal conversations with his SPS family whom he is truly honored to serve. He has built a relationship with SPS through years of boots on the ground service to staff by putting into practice the 3 R’s of police chaplaincy: being reliable, relatable and relevant. His consistent acts of love opened the doors of invitation to actively engage the staff when the suicide of Sgt. Hal Lam unfolded.
Personally, I found attending the funeral of an officer who suicided emotionally more difficult than attending a funeral of an officer lost in a line of duty death. In a LODD funeral, emotions of anger and outrage are channelled towards the offender. Yesterday, throughout a sea of blue uniformed officers, sniffles were being unsuccessfully stifled, and an orchestra of raised hands bobbed up and down continually to wipe away tears from the faces of the uniformed men and women. I know I was not alone battling to hold back a flood of tears while listening to Hal’s daughter courageously share her feelings of intense love, admiration and respect for her dad who had dedicated 15 years of his life to being part of almost every moment of his daughter’s life. Eve’s words were heart wrenching even to a guy who has never had a child of his own. I listened to the sniffles and thought how painful it must be for every man and woman present who is raising or has raised a daughter or a son to hear the grief in the voice of Hal’s daughter. She shared so many fond memories; yet, due to suicide there will be no future archives of a lifetime of memories with her dad. This fact alone grieves my heart; I’m sure I’m not alone.
Peer after peer shared accounts of how working alongside Hal had made a positive impact in their daily lives. Hal was a co-worker who brought a quirky sense of humor that made everyone laugh and drew officers to him. He was the guy others wanted to be around, work alongside, and spend time with out of uniform. He lived life passionately putting others first while projecting a humble persona. He continually expressed words of encouragement and support towards his peers building them up so that they felt good about themselves. I found it difficult to balance all these testimonies with the knowledge of the tragic way he suicided on the SPS premises. While his end does not take away from all the good works he did, his decision has brought much grief to so many; as strange as it sounds, the suicide of a police officer will even impact officers who have never met or served alongside the one who ended their life. Men and women choose a career in law enforcement because they are compassionate and empathetic towards human beings. We value life and thus swear on oath to protect and preserve life. Perhaps in this lies one key to understanding why we grieve the loss of an officer even when we do not personally know them.
Perhaps another key to understanding our grief is that law enforcement personnel are wired for justice and retribution; these are potential focal elements we may lean on to assist us working through mourning the loss of an officer through a LODD. An officer suicide is void of any future pursuit of justice and leaves us empty having more questions than answers.
My sorrow for the death of Hal was compounded when I heard he was a brother in Christ. He had a church family who loved him and were an integral part of his life. The MC for the regimental funeral was his “spiritual mom” who had come alongside Hal and Rose when they moved to Saskatoon in 2006 and joined the Circle Drive Alliance Church family. To every officer who identifies as a follower of Christ Jesus, on Feb 18th, 2026, we lost not only a brother in arms but also a brother in the Lord.
On a positive note, the Saskatoon PS truly honored well the memory of Hal and his surviving family. The funeral was full dress with saber bearing Honor Guard, a Sgt Major who provided succinct instructions pre-service to all full-dress uniform attendees, SPS Chief Cameron McBride’s presentation of colors and cap to the family, and as much of the prestigious elements of tradition allowed for in a non-LODD funeral. As per family request, Chaplain John Morris brought a Christ centered message focused on King David’s account of our Good Shepherd written in Psalm 23. It was a message of hope that focused on the Father’s love demonstrated through the Shepherd who protects and cares for His sheep.
The day before Hal’s funeral, I received a text from a guy who has become a friend through my work with the CPCA. Two years ago, I invited Leo Petrilli, a retired Canada Border Services Officer (36 years service including duties as a K9 Officer), to provide a presentation to our CPCA police chaplains across Canada. Leo is a PTSD and substance abuse survivor who miraculously survived a suicide attempt. He is a Train the Trainer for the First Responder Program with The Addictions Academy, a Personal Growth Coach with the Wellness Coach organization, a volunteer with Boots on the Ground in ON, and provides presentations at law enforcement gatherings across Canada and the US.
Although I didn’t know Leo when he struggled with and attempted suicide, receiving another text from him after Hal’s funeral made me feel very thankful that Leo survived his suicide attempt. Today, I took a moment and sent a text to Leo letting him know I’m thankful he is alive! A really small gesture to encourage a brother who was in law enforcement. Leo is fulfilling his destiny by counselling others and sharing his victories; he is a blessing to me and to many others. My point is that persons who suicide impact persons who don’t even know them by removing themselves from this world. If they serve in law enforcement, their death impacts the police family across Canada. Suicide ends their legacy and their story remains incomplete. Lives they were destined to touch in the future are deprived of their influence. Their compounded significance is never achieved or realized.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out. People care about you even if you believe a voice in your head that tells you otherwise. You may be surprised by what you learn from the person you reach out to and how they have survived adversity, desperation and loneliness. Half way through my policing career, I went through a very messy marital breakup that lasted almost five years in the courts before it was resolved. I lost most of what I had worked for and didn’t know how I could bounce back. When I came to the end of myself, God was there. He picked me up, introduced me to Jesus and the Holy Spirit and a new life that has far exceeded the life I had built up for myself through my first 17 years in policing.
You are not alone, so please do not struggle alone. If you are part of my Brandon PS family, MFNPS family, or RCMP family and are struggling, please reach out to me or someone you know who will listen without judging. We are better together and stronger together. You were created for significance because your Creator in whose image you are made is significant. The enemy wants to remove your influence and keep you from the things God has for you in the future. God does not and can not lie; “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11 [NIV]. If you are a Believer who serves as a first responder, I encourage you to keep your eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:1&2) and reach out to another Believer you respect if you are struggling, or if you simply need encouragement; “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” Hebrews 3:13 [NIV].
A final thought: where does my identity come from? Does it come from what I do, or from the One who made me? Psalm 139:13&14, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
With respect;
Rev. Bruce Ewanyshyn
CPCA President
BPS Honorary Chaplain & Constable (Ret.)
